Municipal Public Radio

I'm a bit P.Oed, but at myself.  I've been practically fondling myself lovely over my new perspective on life, the no right to take any life extending to insects and bugs.  And while I haven't had a chance to save any human life, I've been seeing news articles about me.  This one article on Yahoo!— it's this news website—tried to use codewords, but I'm pretty sure it was about me.  The thing is, I was listening to MPR about if there really is a difference between eating pig and cow and eating a dog or a horse.  

They joked that dogs and horses can look into our souls and that's what makes us want to feed them instead of eat them, and they have big eyes maybe that's why; but one woman argued that cows have big gorgeous eyelashes, and that whole topic altogether got me thinking about setting a certain long term goal for myself, which I won't disclose, because it'll hurt my mother's feelings and my dad would disown me, or worse, laugh at me.  

The Chinese eat dogs and horse.  And if you have one too many children, especially girls who may be promiscuous and one day cause a scandal in the village, the Chinese government will throw them off a mountain.  There is a canyon full of dead babies in China.  Don't quote me on that.  Here, are some other quotes by me you can use:

Work?  What!  Again?!

But the new issue—new to me—that segment on MPR brought up is that people are eating more insects to be adventurous, and in doing so are actually doing a service to the environment and bigger animals, by eating certain types of insects like crickets.  And it's a great way to stay in shape, I suppose, because of the protein.  See, I usually don't end a creature if I can help it because I figure it's probably aware that it feels pain and I don't want to hurt its feelings by killing it.  But, now I don't know what's what.  Lady, should I crush the freakin bug or not?  I killed a cockroach today.  At first, I tried to swing it outside with my slipper, but that wasn't working—I probably broke its leg a few times in the process—and I was irritated about my page views, and people seem to be only interested in a train wreck, so smashed it 17 times.  It's dead.  There's no question in my mind that it's dead.  If it's plastered on the ground, then it's dead.  It's over.  I won that one.