Good luck at Porto Iker; I know you're reading this.  Congrats on the armband, Mr. Ramos.  You're the jewel of Madrid; don't you dare leave us. For your headers alone, I turned gay for you.

- Oh, so now it's a choice.

- Will you shut up!

 Ah, what am I saying?  The English with their gossip.  They're still butthurt over Maradona...and Suarez.  My butt doesn't hurt.  It rarely hurts.  My butt has seldom—can you guys send me some money?  I can do the spending if you do the sending.  Maybe send me my car keys.  I'm going to open a P.O. box.  If not today, then maybe this week or maybe even next week. Depending on how much it costs to upkeep a P.O. box.  Can you send me money to open a P.O. box?

I'll post up the address once I do.