Fine.  Good.  Stay there.  I've been driving with my blinker on all day to throw people off.  Do you want that on your conscience?  Do you?  Let me asks you a question—eh, at some point I just gave up and called it soccer.

Cristano Ronaldo is Portuguese.  He plays for Real Madrid, the greatest club in the history of the world, and he's Portuguese.  Lewandowski scored three or maybe four goals against Madrid in Dortmund's 4-1 thrashing of Real in a semi-final more than a couple years back.  He is Polish.  And Dortmund are from Germany, my sweet Germany.  Arda Turan, he's a Turk, and he just signed for Barcelona.  I don't like him, nor Barcelona, but he's from Turkey.  Barcelona is stupid, and ugly, and their butt smells, and they like to kiss their own butts.  Dani Alves especially.  He's Brazilian.  Zidane, I love Zidane, my favorite player of all time.  He's from France.  And he played for Madrid.  Shevchenko could be Ukraine's most prolific striker of all time, I'm not sure, but my grandma is Ukrainian.  Michael Owen and Steve Mcmanaman, they, too, played at the Bernabeu, and they are English like Virginia Woolf, or Austin Powers.  And the English, god bless them, proclaim themselves favorites in every tournament they play.  Stoichkov is Bulgarian, and President Clinton once took a vacation to Bulgaria which had Jay Leno making jokes for a week, and I wondered, "Why is he making fun of Bulgaria?"  My sister's boyfriend took a vacation to Bulgaria, but didn't take her.  They later broke up.  She loved her vacation to Scotland the best.  I recently found out dresses and T-shirts of her paintings are being sold in Romania.  Hopefully they get popular.  Hagi, let's not forget Hagi.  He is Romanian.  I hope that's the same man I'm thinking about.  Tim Cahill scored one of the best goals of the previous World Cup.  He is Australian.  And Sanjay, well Sanjay is from India. I happen to know a few Sanjays.  One of them left this country to go back to India because it was time for his marriage, and his bride to be was gorgeous, I imagine.  I call it soccer now, because I live in America, and I'm an American.  Once this generation grows up, America will be a more respected force in the global game.  Go America, yay.

I have to go run now, because I'd like to play a game of soccer one day.  Unchecked patriotism is stupid, and dangerous.  I sound pretty wise.  I wonder how that sounds aloud, and slow.

I. Sound.

- No, not that. The other thing I said.  The wise thing.  I'm wise now.  I put the crack down and listen to MPR.  NPR?  That would make a lot more sense.  I'll google it later.  Anyway, from crack to MPR.

- NPR.

- Quiet. It was a natural transition.  The crack to MPR.

- NPR.  

- Quiet!  Both are intellectually riveting.

- Bravo, you finished a thought.

- I hate you.