well they can't all be winners

I don't know why I look down upon people for doing some of the same shit I do when I'm not doing it.  Such bullshit.  Upon sounds so pretentious. 

- Vroom-vroom.

I mean, everything I say I just contradict.

- Uh-oh.

Why do anything?

- I know where this—

Just rolling a boulder to watch it fall back.

- Don't do it, man.

Why should I have to use "Upon?"

- Nope.

What's it matter anyway, she's probably getting gifted right now.

- Don't do it.

And I'm just going to chew on it.

- Stop.

I should...I should—Well, I might as well just get drunk.

- You, you sly dog, you.  I know your tricks.  I knew where this was headed.

Eh.  I'm mad at my body and my brain.  Instead of getting skinnier, I look like freakin Jackie Jr.  I caused a scene at a restaurant.  It wasn't cute.  I wasn't witty.  I was stuttering and shaking cause I was so angry and angry at myself for causing a scene, and then I wasn't even witty.  And then they gave me a couple vouchers with my refund, and it was even more humiliating.  I told them, dressing on the side!  I saided it loud and clear, and I heard them say it three times to Roscoe and Bosco in the back before I got my fuckin salad and soup, and there was dressing in my shitty salad, and I had regretted my stupid order like ten minutes earlier—oh they were late with the order and were closing, I sat there thinking about South America and internatinal travel and the weather—but what really grills me, the two girls in the front hadn't laughed at my jokes when I was ordering, and then when I asked about the protein in the various soups, they gave me ugly looks, like how the hell should I know?  I just work here.

I can't believe they didn't laugh at my jokes.  Probably thinking about their stupid boyfriends.  Probably had indigestion.  From now on, I'm not wasting my jokes on people.  I can't even remember what they were.

Maybe they weren't even jokes.  They didn't give me the attention I felt I deseved.  Seems clear enough.

Maybe I don't even have any good jokes.

- Hey, easy now...

You're right.  It's them!  It's always them. Them who were thinking about going home.

I had a really bad playtime nightmare the other night.  I woke up a few times but it was still going. My mind's eating me up while I sleep.  I gotta do more when I'm awake.