(aka Well, they can't all be winners now, can they? aka Guadalcanal again)
You know, I've been pretty blue lately, right? Got no work, got no phone I gotta actually write it out and it's so weird I can barely be spontaneous. I didn't realize how important this space and notepad was till I got rid of the phone and what working did for me until I stopped going everything is a euphemism, like two straws, one in my throat one down below. So I've been counting on sleep to eat away my days until someone comes along while I'm riding my bike and shoots me in back of the head nicely done I didn't see it coming but only if I don't see it coming you can. And so I need the extra sleep for the day, and the nightly sleep to sustain me, and during the day I'm like Yes, yes! cause I'm strutting, you know, I'm in dreams, and I'm right there in it, bullying people, walking around--there's an underlying loserdom aspect to it, but whatever--at least I can kick people in the knee or walk around in my underwear and no one mentions it, but then No! no! I can feel it, No! I'm about to wake up. Before I know it my head is on the limp tip of a pillow; the other pillow has fallen to the ground and I know it's going to be dusty and my first course of action is to stuff it underneath my head trying to get back in but they won't let me back in the party I was in and I stand there with my pillows underneath my head thinking what if Kip had those time travel crystals. This is so flat. I'm Uncle Rico! When I was at the looney bin I was so restless; the only schedule was you better be up at this hour and this hour if you want your snacks and lunch and such, or you'll lose them. Snacks and lunch and such were everything. A couple hours into coming back home, a few decisions into it, and I've turned my daily existence into the same thing, and I've been too depressed or tired to care, I guess. I lived in two worlds. Now in those two worlds there's worlds in those worlds, I know people have distanced themselves from me I just can't prove it, and I live in constant fear of people and situations. I live in constant anxiety. I asked my extended family if they were apart of a network conspiring against me during dinner. Seemed like a good occasion to ask. They all sternly said No, which seemed suspicious. Naturally I had to question them on their response. I have dreams about Chris and he walks by ignoring me, when in reality I dread seeing him. I don't care if my meds make me fat this time around, I think. I can't watch movies because I see the actors as real people, who are doing something with their lives...and I start to argue with them. Even the lowly extras--I'm a lowly extra...in her life. Now that line I like cause it conjures up sympathy, sympathy for me! ack! ack! ack! I'll tell you, that Lars, I am very disappointed in his moviefilm career choices. And who the hell is Harry Summers?
Kind of paints a picture of a certain anomaly I got, don't it?
You know, I've been pretty blue lately, right? Got no work, got no phone I gotta actually write it out and it's so weird I can barely be spontaneous. I didn't realize how important this space and notepad was till I got rid of the phone and what working did for me until I stopped going everything is a euphemism, like two straws, one in my throat one down below. So I've been counting on sleep to eat away my days until someone comes along while I'm riding my bike and shoots me in back of the head nicely done I didn't see it coming but only if I don't see it coming you can. And so I need the extra sleep for the day, and the nightly sleep to sustain me, and during the day I'm like Yes, yes! cause I'm strutting, you know, I'm in dreams, and I'm right there in it, bullying people, walking around--there's an underlying loserdom aspect to it, but whatever--at least I can kick people in the knee or walk around in my underwear and no one mentions it, but then No! no! I can feel it, No! I'm about to wake up. Before I know it my head is on the limp tip of a pillow; the other pillow has fallen to the ground and I know it's going to be dusty and my first course of action is to stuff it underneath my head trying to get back in but they won't let me back in the party I was in and I stand there with my pillows underneath my head thinking what if Kip had those time travel crystals. This is so flat. I'm Uncle Rico! When I was at the looney bin I was so restless; the only schedule was you better be up at this hour and this hour if you want your snacks and lunch and such, or you'll lose them. Snacks and lunch and such were everything. A couple hours into coming back home, a few decisions into it, and I've turned my daily existence into the same thing, and I've been too depressed or tired to care, I guess. I lived in two worlds. Now in those two worlds there's worlds in those worlds, I know people have distanced themselves from me I just can't prove it, and I live in constant fear of people and situations. I live in constant anxiety. I asked my extended family if they were apart of a network conspiring against me during dinner. Seemed like a good occasion to ask. They all sternly said No, which seemed suspicious. Naturally I had to question them on their response. I have dreams about Chris and he walks by ignoring me, when in reality I dread seeing him. I don't care if my meds make me fat this time around, I think. I can't watch movies because I see the actors as real people, who are doing something with their lives...and I start to argue with them. Even the lowly extras--I'm a lowly extra...in her life. Now that line I like cause it conjures up sympathy, sympathy for me! ack! ack! ack! I'll tell you, that Lars, I am very disappointed in his moviefilm career choices. And who the hell is Harry Summers?
Kind of paints a picture of a certain anomaly I got, don't it?
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