I don't want to jinx it, but I've started pacing around in the backyard again.  I just need to practice my patience.  I know it was working before.

Want to know a secret?  I figured recently that you guys wanted to give me the nobel peace prize, and then that I screwed it up—not after the first relapse, but because how I responded to your support that night and in the last two weeks kept dipping in—and that you were gone, 

or that it was the real test recently to see what you were really going to do with me—I mean really—if the progress was real or if I'm doomed.  

You mean muchly to me.  The reason for my days.

and also, I'm so scatterbrained today, I can't finish a single task today—I love you guys!

But what I've come to realize, what you made me realize, is that I've been writing for a pretty long time, and I got a little confidence—a lot of ego, sure—but mainly a little confidence now.