Are you excited? I know I am!

Are you going to be late for work, too?  I got my Clamato Picante, my pork rinds—just gotta put on my jersey!  I'm eating spicy foods because I heard women get turned on by guys who eat spicy foods.  This guy down the street told me.

There's tomato juice dripping down Isco's head.  Poor guy.  He's good looking.  Get back on the field, you bum!

Everyone on our team is good looking.  We're a good looking team.

Isco's a real professional.  He could've gone back to the dressing room and gone through the other guys' stuff, steal a money clip or Marcelo's necklace.  But he pushed the medical staff guy back, and went back on the field.  I caught his words.  He said, Get off me, you bum!

Marcelo got subbed out early.  Nacho came in for him, and quickly scored a goal out of nowhere.  Marcelo's agent went back to the room to check on him.  Marcelo says he's okay but to check Cristiano's locker.  He liked the jeans he was wearing earlier.

The agent encourages him to try it on, see if it's a good fit.  Let's have a better look by the mirror, he says.  He looks Marcelo down, advises him to turn around, then nods sternly.  Some slight alterations and it's a good fit.  He'll phone the tailor and I am missing a great game where we're lucky not to have eaten three or four already.

Yet at halftime, we have a truly incredible scoreline...You said it, British sports guy.

2nd Half.  Ronaldo appears walking out of the tunnel, noticeably upset.  A man with scissors and yarn can be seen lurking in the shadows, then calmly proceeds to the dressing room.

Ronaldo cannot get his shot on target and the commentator notes CR7 looks, Visibly irked. 

Many Real players are signaling to be subbed off.  

Their agents line the field with a towel and a catalog magazine rolled underneath their arms.  Some are jotting down pages periodically with a red marker they had placed above their ear.

Some hold the marker between their teeth while flipping through the pages.

Commentators highlight concerns that Ronaldo appears, A peripheral figure.  

Ronaldo with a lazy, petulent pass on the break that fails to find his teammate.

And the scoreline somehow stays 1-0 for Real Madrid.  And Ronaldo nervously runs back into the tunnel.