Fat Bastard trailer

Fat Bastard trailer

Fat Bastard - Trailer

(Establishing Shot)

Fade In:

-(     )...It's that Fat Bastard, he's eating more sandwiches than he's selling—That's why he can't pay us.

Dissolve To:

(Ext. Street, Favor on Vinnie Baguette)

-Where's the money for the sandwiches! ...rat bastard.

-Fat Bastard.  His name is Fat Bastard.

-Fat Bastard.  Whatever!

(Intercut)

-And check his wallets, too.

-Uh, sir?  He's only got one wallet.

-Well then, check that one... I'm working with idiots.  And where the fuck is Jimmy?  Has anyone seen Jimmy the Bitch?

- (EatKhash from Boston) Have you checked the baaaaars?

Cut To

(Int. Office, Rich Furniture)

-(Vinnie Baguette) Sir, we gouged his eyes out, like you said.

-(Chad NewBrunswick) What do you mean, "Gouged his eyes?"

-We gouged them out.  We took 'em out.

-They're gone?

-Both of them.

-Let me ask you something: Are you a seeing eye-dog?

-(laughs) No...why?

-How the fuck is he going to get my sandwich money if he can't see!

-But, Boss, you said—

-I meant threaten him!  You took the poor guy's eyes out.

-Oh, jeez, Boss...when you say it like that...

-Go on, get out of here.

-So you're not mad, boss?

...

-(Vinnie Baguette), Sir, they're here with the guy.

-(Chad NewBrunswick) What guy?

-(Vinnie Baguette) You know, the guy—the guy with the thing.

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Which one?

-(Vinnie Baguette) That—that bastard.

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Fat Bastard or the rat bastard with the simulcast?

-(Vinnie Baguette) Fat Bastard, definitely.

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Show him in.

-(Vinnie Baguette) C'mere you sonuvabitch—

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Christ, I meant help him in; he's got no eyes.

-(Vinnie Baguette) Here he is, Boss.

Enter Fat Bastard

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Where's the money from the sandwiches?

-(Fat Bastard) You guys didn't have to blind me, you sons of bitches.  I can get the money—you

-(Chad NewBrunswick) I apologize; that was an oversight.

-(Fat Bastard) Mother Joseph and Heaven,  I can't fuckin see!

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Look, what's done is done.

-(Fat Bastard) I can't piss without running into a wall.

-(Vinnie Baguette) How do you wipe your ass?

-(Fat Bastard) Fuck you, you rat bastard!  

-(Vinnie Baguette) Watch it now! You the Fat Bastard.  

-(Chad NewBrunswick) That's enough, both of yous.  Vinnie, get the car.

Exit Vinnie

-(Chad NewBrunswick) Where's the money?

-(Fat Bastard) I can get it.

-(Chad NewBrunswick) For your eyes, I'm going to give you a week to find your way around to getting it.  You're lucky to be alive.  You're lucky it was just your eyes.  (passing Fat Bastard as he exits the room)

- (Fat Bastard) How do I get out of here?

- (Chad NewBrunswick, pauses) ...I'll send Vinnie to get you.

Exit Chad NewBrunswick

- (Fat Bastard, under his voice) ...sonuvabitch!

...

(A porky blind bastard enters the bar with a walking stick)

 

(Murmurs among the patrons)

...it's Fat Bastard

...that rat bastard

...The Director of the Chandelier Factory 

...I mean, there's faggedaboudid and  faggedaboudid.

...Everyday there was a new chandelier on our ceiling

...ah, faggedaboudid

...I dunno, you hungry? We don't want no sandwiches, Fat Bastard.

-(Barkeep) No sandwiches today, Fat Bastard?

- (Jimmy the Bitch) Hey, how's about lay off, huh?  The man's paid his debt.

-(barkeep) Yea, all right, all right.  Here's a beer and pickled eggs, on the house. Is that good, Fat Bastard?

- (Fat Bastard) Yea, that's good.

- (Just Proschut) And get him a sandwich.

- (Jimmy the Bitch) No, no sandwiches.... No more sandwiches.

- (barkeep) Hey Fat Bastard, you should get one of them seeing eye dogs.

- (Jimmy the Bitch) That's good thinking Lou.  Serve you blind, they will, even when you get the blues. 

- (barkeep) Loyalty like you've never seen, Fat Bastard.

-(Jimmy The Bitch)  You should look into it.

- (Fat Bastard) Yea, I'll do that Jimmy. 

-(voices among the bar)

...my goomah had one of them German Shepards, three times a day it—

...you ain't had no goomah since your wife found out

Sent from my iPhone, faggedabodid