Jkjm

I have spots all over my body.  They are excessive.  When I was younger they were slight, and alarming for when I grow up.  I went to doctors a few times back then, but it was no big deal, yet it never went away, and I never got an explanation for it.  We should get that looked at,  it'll be embarassing growing up,  it'll shake his confidence— a man needs his confidence.  This boy in middle-school had a really bad case of cirriosis on his neck, like some heartless monster chewed it up every morning and sent him on his way.  That was bad.  This Asian  boy had wrinkled fingers in elemantary school, like a drowned baby, it made me sick.  We ate lunch together he often had the taco salad.  He sometimes wanted a piece of our food and said we could have some of his taco salad.  Taco salad is disgusting.

The ointments they gave didn't do anything.

i have so much to tell you, dear diary, about my day, this was a daywhen, like so much was happening, my thoughts were racing it was like Iwouldn't allow them to, stop, i went to the seven 11 with Justine,and ...Brenda Jr.

her mom is ironic,

and that cute boy, little Apu, he looks like a rock star, but God, how mamy times is Brenda Jr. Going to say that?  Really, how many times is she going to say that?   I said that one time when I first saw him cause he looked like that one soccer player from Spain that's always changing his hair, when it's usually that big ugly clerk who never wears shoes, you can see his feet, like no socks!  One time Jenny goes,"Dorritos, yea no thanks."   No! Not the player with the mohawk, No,  Not them, diary....they don't exist... they're stupid.  Like really, what does she even mean by that?  

I mean he's  cute...he's really dumb.   The thought did cross my mind—that was an exciting week—that maybe he was different and dangerous, like Bruce Lee. But, he didn't do much but talk on his bluetooth while people were in line. I had to ask him to scan my chips, too, and one time Jenny just took her bag of Fritos.  I don't know, diary, he didn't strike me as very ambitious.  Jenny said there's always Patel: you know, the one that liked me in 3rd grade?  He was going to be a Mechanical Engineer until they found out he was the one sending those charcoal drawings to the female teachers.  Jenny said at least he has passion.  Jenny did it once with that guy who drives his motorcycle around the school at 3.  She probably took advantage of him.

But like, hold on, I'm sweating like a hog—I smell like fat Tiffany.  I'm out of wipes.  God, I'm horrible today.    So Bredna Jr, goes again, "There he is, look!" Like, I'm right there, Brenda!  She's sweet and all, but it's like there's nothing behind her eyes.  I think I hate her.  I mean, her mom is all weird and out there—and it's not because  she's black, cause Brenda Jr.'s black too.  Like one time, she's driving me and Brenda home and takes us to a Ralphs in Encino.  At the bakery section she asked the workers which items were kosher cause she only eats kosher, then she grabbed a sandwich for herself and asked Juan Carlos what kind of free-range environment the tuna or chicken  were raised?  

Hmnn

lolita

As anything but bits

figments magic

a figment-dream made flesh

she's flesh right now I can

feel it, when she's loved,

 like kisses in a porno scene

People grow fond of one another, people love

People want to be dominated,

she cries like she met the Virgin Mary

and doesn't blush, in this most inopportune...

— in that some men are weak, 

and women inscrutable,

people grow fond of one another, people love.

Her skin is home to him.

His body is what she wants him to be.

Mind my hyperbole, dear reader

it serves neither of us,

not me and nor you, motherfucker,

and I have grown.

I just want to be your friend.

I'm on the outside breathing in.

Jjkj